I've done this without quotes because as you saw in my 'genesis' post that got pretttty long, so I'll quote where appropriate.
So before resting for a day from all the nonsense in my 'genesis' thread, (flip knows why all he did was screw around). Thats right, GOD created sunday, not the romans nor the greeks etc. Seems to me like all he did was rest afterwards anyway - should really follow his example.
So dependant on which version of the multi-versioned "non-contradictory" book (what a strange oxymoronic idea), god either creates adam and eve at the same time, OR, he gathers a stinking pile of mud and makes adam, then he tears out a rib or two to create eve. How pleasant for Adam. And Christians today say "Evolution is so stupid! It implies that we evolve from a gob of goo!" (reffering to primordial ooze containing single chain amino acids).
So eve has been made from the exact genetic material that adam is made from - ie, its a female clone of adam, so no room for evolution (I guess thats what he was aiming for? Basically incest, which leads to what incest leads to - mutated freaky babies with so many recessive syndromes theyre barely human)
As usual god was very pleased with himself (you might say self-congratulating). Despite allegedly being totally omniscient somehow he doesn't know that adam and eve will disobey him later on.
So he then goes on to create the tree of knowldge of good and of evil in a garden. He then specifically places adam and eve right next to it, and tells them not to eat from it. (if he had any understanding of human psychology he would know that our natural instinct in this situation is to do the opposite of whats been told, so hes really being pretty mean). Now he takes his blessed day of rest because that was apparently knackering.
Then he does what sounds a lot to me like some sort of slave torturous labour, and he makes Adam name all the birds and animals and trees that he created by bringing them all in front of him. (I mean, where the flip do you start!? Thats billions upon billions of different species! - and why didn't he bother to bring the ones that we haven't discovered to date?...)
One of said creatures was called a serpent, and God made it so it too could talk like a man (presumably English, thats right, god also created language).
Despite declaring himself also to be omnipresent, he was somehow "not in the garden that day" (flip knows how an omnipresent person isn't somewhere). So that serpent shows up again.
Now god had explained little or nothing to adam and eve - they had no understanding whatsoever of right and wrong, good and bad, etc. They literally had never supposed of such ideas and never heard of them - I suppose everything was fair game / neutral in their eyes. So God leaves these very sweet naive people in the garden with the sneaky serpent (which I might remind you, he created and gave the ability to talk).
so the serpent decided to be nasty (which it had a grasp of, eve didn't) and persuaded her to eat the fruit. Seeing there was no good or bad, right or wrong, she went ahead and ate it, then shared it with her twin brother, adam.
This 'fruit of knowledge' instantly granted them understanding of right and wrong, and I suppose brought about the understanding of physical modesty, so they decided to wear clothes. Thats right, they were ashamed of the bodies they were given yesterday - isn't that nice? I mean theres only them there, who's gonna care?? And which bits do you decide to cover? Breasts aren't sexual in this context so why not adam's nipples? Or their backsides?
According to the bible the second this happened god shows up (I suppose he got that omniscience back eh?). Oh no, my mistake, then he can't find adam or eve and doesn't know where they're hiding.
When he eventually finds them after searching, he is REALLY pissed off. Yes he asked them not to do something, but to them it would be the same as asking them to do it, or not do something sensible - it wouldn't mean anything to them.
So he ignores the fact that he didn't bother to give them a conscience. He forgets that it was him who created the evil serpent, and decided to leave the three alone together whilst he had a kip.
He then decides to genetically curse adam but specifically eve so that all females (flip knows how that happens) experience pain during childbirth, and so they would have to forever wait on men hand and foot. All humans who ever lived are cursed forever to be born with sin, because of HIS mistakes.
He then kicks them both out the garden and puts an angel in front of the tree to gaurd it (he couldn't have thought of that earlier?)
So then I suppose they start the human race. They mate with each other and therefore pass on no new genetic material whatsoever. They've only got themselves to mate with so they have a few kids. Then one of the kids gets older and is ready to have sex, but theres only her parents (who are brother and sister genetically) to have sex with. So I guess they have sex. And then maybe some of her sisters and brothers are ready for sex, so they have some sex and have some babies together. So again no new material is passed on, its constantly making clones of each other with only the slightest amount of random crossing over of genes to occur.
So he wants them to have constant incest, have horrible child-birth, he's no respect for women, and he blames everyone for his mistakes, and then punishes them. Great god. You've done it again. I better get off and read about Noah's ark, see what a lovely deed you did there. We all ought to take a leaf out of god's book, I'm tellin ya. a Spot of genocide here, a spot of incestuous rape there, a spot of negligence about one's experiments...
Doesn't DNA, dictate that we all evolve from one African woman (Scientists have actually named her Eve, Hahahaha crazy scientists). Surely therefore we are all incestuous ??
