Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 8:51 PM |
Actual writings from hospital charts:
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depr essed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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Posts: 4469 |
Lemon Grinner Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 8:52 PM |
| Hehe i absolutely LOVE things like these =D Fanks for bringing laughter to my souuullll lol x |
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Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 8:52 PM |
Dictionary For Decoding Women's Personal Ads
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40-ish................................49.
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone.
Athletic..............................No breasts.
Average looking.................Moooo.
Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure.............On medication.
Feminist..............................Fat.
Free spirit...........................Junkie.
Friendship first....................Former slut.
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.....................No BJs.
Open-minded......................Desperate.
Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional.........................Bitch.
Voluptuous..........................Very Fat.
Large frame.........................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry =You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk =You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead =You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10.You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
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Posts: 5323 |
goosey_84 Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 8:53 PM |
| LOL...good stuff. |
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Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 8:57 PM |
Lemon Grinner wrote: Hehe i absolutely LOVE things like these =D Fanks for bringing laughter to my souuullll lol x
number 17 !!! |
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Posts: 4469 |
Lemon Grinner Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 8:59 PM |
| Haha that women's dictionary is so true =P |
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Posts: 1531 |
lilly Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 9:31 PM |
:D
I love stuff like that, when people can't use their own language properly :D brillliant |
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Posts: 4170 |
paul_c Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 9:33 PM |
AbsolutPurple wrote:
Feminist..............................Fat.
Lol! :) |
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Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 9:38 PM |
paul_c wrote: AbsolutPurple wrote:
Feminist..............................Fat.
Lol! :)
i didn't write that stuff - i merely copied/pasted. |
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Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 9:41 PM |
there's also something i remember reading somewhere :
an italian doctor was specialised "in women and other diseases" |
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Posts: 4469 |
Lemon Grinner Posted Thu 05 Jul, 2007 9:44 PM |
AbsolutPurple wrote: there's also something i remember reading somewhere :
an italian doctor was specialised "in women and other diseases"
Hahaha |
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