I'm not entirely sure what that term means, but I feel like that. Does anyone here ever get frustrated because you know you have a lot of energy and fun to offer, but when you meet new people sometimes you just die down and feel unenthusiastic for no apparent reason. It's not necessarily shyness as much as it is unfamiliarity with the person(s)? Like, today I had a job interview as a tutor for little kids, and I knowww I'm good with kids, but for some reason just felt my face looking like a stone when I was talking with the employer. I just felt like complete blahhh. And my mom told me that her adult friends, upon meeting me, thought I was bored, but upon talking to me more once I got comfortable, thought "there was more to me"
How do I go about breaking down that weird sort of barrier? I mean I was definitely ..pleasant. But that didn't cut it for the job I don't think. ahhhh. I just don't smile every second that's all ugh ><
I'm like that too! But I think mine is more about shyness and I don't feel comfortable around everyone. It takes a while for me to break out of my shell and if I don't find someone interesting, I won't put any effort into making a conversation with them and just ignore them, because I see no point in making small talk if you don't even have anything in common with someone. I just find it fake! As a result, I'm not outgoing at all, and people think I look bored.
I don't know what to tell you, because I myself want to know how to fix this 'problem'
I am exactly like that too. People say I seem all standoffish and not interested in them when I first meet them, but I guess it is just shyness. Once I get to know someone though I am very outgoing. Let me know if you guys figure out the answer- I want to know too!
exactly exactly exactly to both you two. yeah, i had a really hard time with that interview because I just felt so horribly fake with that employer. She was so fake-happy, and we totally didn't relate either, so that wasn't good..
sometimes I think to myself, it's not my fault I was born with a face that looks upset when I'm just spacing out...
And those girls who go around smiling and hugging everybody and throwing around the word "love" all the time, but turn out to be the bitchiest, shallowest girls around...I don't get them either..
Ehm.. i read all the posts and maybe this bit of advise works. (mind you i don't have all the answers but it works for my when something like that happens).
from your posts i got the impression that when you are feeling well let's say "icey", you focus a lot on the person sitting in front of you. Maybe it is a good thing to try and remember at that point why you (have to) make contact with that person. What is your goal/ purpose? (Like the job interview). The other person is not going to make you more enthousiastic, feel relaxed or happy. You are the only one who can do that. (English being my second language is letting me down a bit now, i feel like i am lacking depth here) well if you want to react, no problem but i'll be on holiday for the next two weeks. So a PM would be the best way to go about it. Good Luck
Esp. when I was younger a lot of people would say, "when I first met you I thought you were a total snob but now I know nothing is further from the truth." I always asked them why because I was horrified I was somehow giving off that impression. No one could really explain it. I finally figured out that it is because I am not super chatty/open with new people but very much that way with people I know. So they would meet me, I would be sort of closed, but then they'd see me go up to someone else and be nutty. They assumed that had to do with them and not the other way around.
For me I really have a low tolerance for the small talk (how old are you, what school do you go to, where do you work, etc.?)so it's hard when I meet new people to have to go through that to get to the "real" stuff.
But I've learned that I have to do it to a certain extent and I try to put myself out there more and that helps get past the surfacey conversation.
It is an important skill to put your best face forward for interviews. And I agree that it helps to focus on your goal and not the other person. And just learn to show yourself and what you have to offer quicker than what feels natural.
Esp. when I was younger a lot of people would say, "when I first met you I thought you were a total snob but now I know nothing is further from the truth." I always asked them why because I was horrified I was somehow giving off that impression. No one could really explain it. I finally figured out that it is because I am not super chatty/open with new people but very much that way with people I know. So they would meet me, I would be sort of closed, but then they'd see me go up to someone else and be nutty. They assumed that had to do with them and not the other way around.
For me I really have a low tolerance for the small talk (how old are you, what school do you go to, where do you work, etc.?)so it's hard when I meet new people to have to go through that to get to the "real" stuff.
But I've learned that I have to do it to a certain extent and I try to put myself out there more and that helps get past the surfacey conversation.
It is an important skill to put your best face forward for interviews. And I agree that it helps to focus on your goal and not the other person. And just learn to show yourself and what you have to offer quicker than what feels natural.
Bags packed i decided to stroll along the msgboard again:) Found what you described to be very close to what i intended to say. It is all about skills and developing yourself. Last tip (at the risk of getting to be annoying):
Personal growth takes time, don't rush it, you'll get there in the end!
And those girls who go around smiling and hugging everybody and throwing around the word "love" all the time, but turn out to be the bitchiest, shallowest girls around...I don't get them either..
This is so true, I hate stereotyping, but I've had bad experiences with girls like that. They're usually really fake and compliment you in your face and talk behind your back.
I don't have problems at interviews. I usually talk a lot because I kind of like public speaking and saying what's on my mind lol. But I think the disadvantage to me not being so open is that I'm not good at networking. Those outgoing people we find fake are usually the best ones at networking and can be opportunists, but usually get what they want faster because they work for it.
