Douglas Adams British writer
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Alfred Adler Austrian psychologist
It is always easier to fight for one's principles than live up to them.
Pamela Anderson Canadian actress
When you have nothing to live up to, you can't disappoint anybody... When you form a full sentence, you're a genius.
(looking on the bright side of being considered by many people a "dumb blonde")
Eddie Arcaro US jockey
When a jockey retires he becomes just another little man.
Jacques Attali French economist
Machines are the new proletariat. The working class is being given its walking papers.
Margaret Atwood Canadian writer
To live without mirrors is to live without the self.
Alan Ball English footballer and member of the 1966 World Cup team
I shall tell you what made us what we were. We had this wonderful feeling that we were still part of the people.
Roland Barthes French writer
All domination begins by prohibiting language.
Buzzie Bavasi American baseball manager
We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.
Francis Biddle American lawyer
The American Constitution has never greatly bothered any wartime President.
Conrad Black Canadian-born British businessman
Since when was greed a criminal offence?
Tony Blair Former UK prime minister
I am a pretty straight sort of guy.
Boy George English pop singer
New York is so clean now you could eat your dinner off its streets. I'll do London next, but I'll charge this time.
Gordon Brown UK prime minister
It will not be a surprise to you to learn I'm more interested in the future of the Arctic Circle than the future of the Arctic Monkeys.
Warren Buffett US businessman
It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
George W. Bush US president
Yo, Blair. How are you doing?
David Cameron British politician
He was the future once. (of Tony Blair)
Jimmy Carr Irish comedian
On your way out, be aware of women and children - they tend to slow you down.
Vernon Coaker British politician
[David] Cameron's empty idea seems to be 'let's hug a hoodie'.
Joan Collins British actress
Older men treat women like possessions, which is why I like younger men.
Billy Connolly Scottish comedian
If you want to lose weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
Robin Cook Former Foreign Secretary and Leader of the House of Commons
I may not have succeeded in halting the war in Iraq, but I did secure the right of Parliament to decide on war.
Alice Cooper American singer
I am past writing angst songs for kids. My angst is when I can't get my Porsche roof up and when I can't get my golf handicap down.
Quentin Crisp English writer
Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
The Dalai Lama Tibetan spiritual leader
We are a part of humanity, so we should take care of humanity. And if we can't do that, then we should at least do no harm.
Philip K. Dick US science fiction writer
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Marlene Dietrich German-born American actress
Glamour is what I sell in my act, and it costs plenty. It's my stock-in-trade.
Tommy Docherty Scottish footballer and manager
George [Best] was a fantastic player and he would have been even better if he'd been able to pass nightclubs the way he passed the ball.
George Eastman American businessman
The rich man never really gives anything, he only distributes part of the surplus. It is the person of moderate means who really gives.
Brian Eno British musician and record producer
Hardly anyone bought the Velvets' albums when they were originally released, but everyone who did formed a band.
Dawn French British actress
If I were alive in Rubens's time, I'd be celebrated as a model and Kate Moss would be used as a paint brush.
Kinky Friedman American singer and writer
I support gay marriage because I believe they have a right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.
Stephen Fry British actor
The email of the species is deadlier than the mail.
Bill Gates American businessman
The world has had a tendency to focus a disproportionate amount of attention on me.
John Paul Getty American businessman
The best form of charity I know is the art of meeting a payroll.
James Goldsmith British financier
When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy.
Hubert Gregg English songwriter
I'm blessed with total recall, apart from where I left my umbrella.
Matt Groening American humorist
You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. (Homer Simpson)
...and:
Kids are the best...You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all. (Homer Simpson)
Woody Guthrie American folksinger
I ain't a communist necessarily, but I been in the red all my life.
William Hague British politician
There was so little English in that answer that President Chirac would have been happy with it. (to John Prescott)
Robert Heinlein American novelist
More than three can't agree on when to have dinner, much less when to strike. More than six people cannot decide a thing.
David Hockney British artist
The reason you start painting yourself is that you are a model; a cheap model. I mean, you've always got yourself.
Peter Jay British journalist, economist and former diplomat
It makes one feel like the geography teacher who showed a map of the world to Genghis Khan. (claiming to have explained monetarism to Margaret Thatcher)
Elton John English pop singer and songwriter
An overview of my career is usually glasses, homosexuality, Watford Football Club, tantrums, flowers. But the music was pretty phenomenal.
John Paul II Polish-born pope
The tree was already rotten. I just gave it a good shake. (on the fall of the Soviet Union)
David Kay American weapons inspector
We have not yet found shiny, pointy things that I would call a weapon.
Peter Kay British comedian
Garlic bread - it's the future. I've tasted it.
John Kerry US politician
How do you ask a man to be the last man to die in Vietnam? How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?
Ann Landers US advice columnist
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
Nigella Lawson British cookery writer
Diets are like boyfriends - it never really works to go back to them.
Jay Leno American comedian
The US finally came up with an exit strategy. Unfortunately it's for the World Cup. (after the US soccer team were knocked out in the early stages of the World Cup)
Gary Lineker English footballer
Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and, at the end, the Germans win.
Ken Livingstone British politician
This was not a terrorist attack against the mighty and the powerful... It was aimed at ordinary, working-class Londoners, black and white, Muslim and Christian, Hindu and Jew, young and old. (On the suicide bombings in London, 7 July 2005)
Matt Lucas British comedian
Yeah but no but yeah... (as Vicky Pollard in "Little Britain")
Linda McCartney American photographer and animal rights activist
I don't eat anything with a face.
Denis MacShane British politician
I liken the French/British relationship to a very old married couple who often think of killing each other but would never dream of divorce.
Bill Maher American comedian
Suicide is our way of saying to God: "You can't fire me. I quit."
Warren Mitchell British actor
You don't retire in this business. You just notice the phone hasn't rung for 10 years.
Nick Park Animator and creator of Wallace & Gromit
I never thought that playing with plasticine would lead to such a glamorous life.
Philip Pullman British writer
I thought physics could be done to the glory of God, till I saw there wasn't any God at all and that physics was more interesting anyway.
Louis Reard French designer
A bikini is not a bikini unless it can be pulled through a wedding ring.
John Reid Labour MP and former Home Secretary
Our system is not fit for purpose.
Andy Roddick American tennis player
Maybe I'll just punch him or something. (On how he might beat Roger Federer)
Anita Roddick British businesswoman
I watch where the cosmetics industry is going and then walk in the opposite direction.
Nicholas Serota British art expert
This is a plea for patience. Your scepticism will gradually diminish and your fear will turn to love... All art was modern once.
Felipe Scolari Portuguese football coach
Now there is so much professionalism, we have to revert to urging players to like the game, love it, do it with joy.
O. J. Simpson American football player
Fame vaporises, money goes with the wind, and all that's left is character.
Upton Sinclair American novelist
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.
Linda Smith British comedian
I play all my country and western music backwards. Your lover returns, your dog comes back to life and you cease to be an alcoholic.
Catherine Tate British comedian
Am I bovvered? (From the character Lauren Cooper in "The Catherine Tate Show")
Charlize Theron South African actress
That little gold statue doesn't clean your house.
Lynne Truss British writer
Abuse is the currency of all reality shows.
Robin Williams US actor
There were a lot of doctors in rehab. It's rather like being in a fat farm with nutritionists.
Edward O. Wilson American sociobiologist
Wonderful theory, wrong species. (On Marxism, which he considered more suited to ants than to humans)
