Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:20 PM |
Hi all,
I've asked all my non-internet friends and family for advice on this matter but didn't get any futher (well, let's say: not far enough, lol). So i thought it would be a good thing to ask you lot for advice on this.
At work there is a very bad listener. I work with this person on regular basis. When i talk to this person or have a discussion it is very hard to get my point across. It is the kind of person that takes a lot of adhoc discissions, forget to inform people and shapes things said to her to her own needs. (Does that last thing make sense? Having translation problems here.) I have found a way to deal with this, but it is not the way i would like to be at work. (I have to be more verbally agressive, very short and make notes on everything that is being said. It is all based on distrust which is rather dissapointing.)This person is incredibly nice, with all good intentions, which in a way makes it all the more difficult. I am curious to know what you guys come up with. Maybe the lads on this board can give me a different advice then i have had so far. (Us being an all female team, which is a handicap to start with, when it comes to communication lol) |
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Posts: 1129 |
mozman68 Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:24 PM |
| Can you give an actual example to help us understand?? |
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weirdmom Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:28 PM |
Not that it probably matters but is the person male or female? Also, are you taking notes because this person is making you look bad because they were supposed to tell someone something or do something so you have to take notes to prove that you're not the one who dropped the ball?
Just trying to understand so I can try and offer a better suggestion. |
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Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:34 PM |
mozman68 wrote: Can you give an actual example to help us understand??
Can do:
Before my maternity leave i worked on two special groups of children. I was promised that when i got back, i would be given the chance to do that again. So after i had returned to work i had a meeting with this person and she asked me if i still wanted that task. I said i did, but felt that she really wanted a new collegue of mine to take it. I told her that. She denied at first and after a explanation from me she said i was right afterall.
I said i thought she had the right arguments to want another person on that job. So i told her i stepped down from it. And said i could see some good sides too, to not taking on that task, like being able to bring my daughter to her daycarecentre.
When she talked to the collegue i was supposed to go and work with. She said i declined that job because i wanted to bring my daughter to daycare.
She is not intentionally backstabbing but she just doesn't hear what is being said and changes what she hears to her own needs. (Or am i being really naive here??)
Does this help? |
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sorry angel Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:37 PM |
Having trained professionnals on communication technics at work I would first advice that you read on the huge subject of communication as it is a great learning experience and really fascinating.
One of the most important think to know is that information gets 100 % lost from one to another person if you're telling a short story or giving instructions. The worse is that the person instructed can even do the contrary of what you have asked. This is actually common not to say normal and is proven many times. It's called the levels of communication and I have experienced it myself on my students.
Here are ways to limit these problems :
- Get the persons attention by putting the right frame/context (phones on voicemail, no distractions, asking if she's available, introduce your sentence by "can I start explaining?...)
- Make short sentences and ask he it's clear or any questions at the end of your sentences.
- Synchronise your body and verbal language as much as you can on the listener (check out NPL technics for ex)
- Repeat the information if necessary
- Reformulate the information : at the end make a short summary of what you've asked
- Ask her to confirm what you said ie repeat in her own words
- Ask her to take notes : notes of course help as reminder but more importantly they are proven to help the understanding and memorisation processes.
So nothing magical I'm afraid and it seems you're already using good tricks! HOpe other boardies have good ideas to suggest for you. |
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Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:37 PM |
weirdmominaustin wrote: Not that it probably matters but is the person male or female? Also, are you taking notes because this person is making you look bad because they were supposed to tell someone something or do something so you have to take notes to prove that you're not the one who dropped the ball?
Just trying to understand so I can try and offer a better suggestion.
Person is female (who would have guessed?, lol)
She is not making me look bad, but she has the ability to make me second guess myself because she twists the things me and my collegues say.
So the notes are really to help myself to stay true to what i have said. |
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Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:41 PM |
sorry angel wrote: Having trained professionnals on communication technics at work I would first advice that you read on the huge subject of communication as it is a great learning experience and really fascinating.
One of the most important think to know is that information gets 100 % lost from one to another person if you're telling a short story or giving instructions. The worse is that the person instructed can even do the contrary of what you have asked. This is actually common not to say normal and is proven many times. It's called the levels of communication and I have experienced it myself on my students.
Here are ways to limit these problems :
- Get the persons attention by putting the right frame/context (phones on voicemail, no distractions, asking if she's available, introduce your sentence by "can I start explaining?...)
- Make short sentences and ask he it's clear or any questions at the end of your sentences.
- Synchronise your body and verbal language as much as you can on the listener (check out NPL technics for ex)
- Repeat the information if necessary
- Reformulate the information : at the end make a short summary of what you've asked
- Ask her to confirm what you said ie repeat in her own words
- Ask her to take notes : notes of course help as reminder but more importantly they are proven to help the understanding and memorisation processes.
So nothing magical I'm afraid and it seems you're already using good tricks! HOpe other boardies have good ideas to suggest for you.
A little heads up here:)
We are a team of communication experts (all speechtherapists and counselors, giving family counseling to families with very young deafchildren.) The person i am talking about is a manager and a speechtherapist. How depressing is that? Your tips are good, but indeed the ones i already use. Thanks for the advice though!! Very much appriciated.
Am off to have dinner, but will be back later this evening.
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Posts: 712 |
sorry angel Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:50 PM |
Sanne (nl) wrote:
The person i am talking about is a manager and a speechtherapist.
She's just using manager's communication technics...as you said bring the tide the way whe wants it! |
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Posts: 7598 |
weirdmom Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 3:52 PM |
My friend was the office manager at a counseling center and sadly it was one of the most dysfunctional places. One therapist was really bad (they got lots of complaints about her and even with feedback and warnings she wasn't changing) and she really needed to be fired.
Instead of just doing it, they asked my friend to stop scheduling appointments for her. I guess they just thought she'd get the point and quit on her own?!?!
This was the last straw and my friend quit because she couldn't work under such terrible management. She has a great job now.
No suggestion, but sadly I don't think your situation is unique.
I doubt you can change this person so I think what you have to figure out is what techniques work for you. Sounds like you have some but perhaps they don't feel quite natural or a good fit with your personality? |
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Posts: 8299 |
Scottish Dubliner Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 4:24 PM |
Sanne (nl) wrote: Hi all,
I've asked all my non-internet friends and family for advice on this matter but didn't get any futher (well, let's say: not far enough, lol). So i thought it would be a good thing to ask you lot for advice on this.
At work there is a very bad listener. I work with this person on regular basis. When i talk to this person or have a discussion it is very hard to get my point across. It is the kind of person that takes a lot of adhoc discissions, forget to inform people and shapes things said to her to her own needs. (Does that last thing make sense? Having translation problems here.) I have found a way to deal with this, but it is not the way i would like to be at work. (I have to be more verbally agressive, very short and make notes on everything that is being said. It is all based on distrust which is rather dissapointing.)This person is incredibly nice, with all good intentions, which in a way makes it all the more difficult. I am curious to know what you guys come up with. Maybe the lads on this board can give me a different advice then i have had so far. (Us being an all female team, which is a handicap to start with, when it comes to communication lol)
Sanne, In my view some people are just like this, but I would strongly advise you to keep up with your tactic, if push ever comes to shove, at least you will have a list of dates and times so you'll be able to cover your own arse...
btw... I recently had to deal with someone like this who I found out did exactly the same thing and nearly hung me out to dry, this is how I know!!
Steve |
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Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 6:24 PM |
weirdmominaustin wrote: Sounds like you have some but perhaps they don't feel quite natural or a good fit with your personality?
That's it! You are spot on. |
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Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 6:26 PM |
Scottish Dubliner wrote: Sanne (nl) wrote: Hi all,
I've asked all my non-internet friends and family for advice on this matter but didn't get any futher (well, let's say: not far enough, lol). So i thought it would be a good thing to ask you lot for advice on this.
At work there is a very bad listener. I work with this person on regular basis. When i talk to this person or have a discussion it is very hard to get my point across. It is the kind of person that takes a lot of adhoc discissions, forget to inform people and shapes things said to her to her own needs. (Does that last thing make sense? Having translation problems here.) I have found a way to deal with this, but it is not the way i would like to be at work. (I have to be more verbally agressive, very short and make notes on everything that is being said. It is all based on distrust which is rather dissapointing.)This person is incredibly nice, with all good intentions, which in a way makes it all the more difficult. I am curious to know what you guys come up with. Maybe the lads on this board can give me a different advice then i have had so far. (Us being an all female team, which is a handicap to start with, when it comes to communication lol)
Sanne, In my view some people are just like this, but I would strongly advise you to keep up with your tactic, if push ever comes to shove, at least you will have a list of dates and times so you'll be able to cover your own arse...
btw... I recently had to deal with someone like this who I found out did exactly the same thing and nearly hung me out to dry, this is how I know!!
Steve
Thanks, i'll keep at it:) Good for you that it all worked out for you. Your story motivates me to put me first in contact with her. And indeed cover my own arse. |
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Posts: 7598 |
weirdmom Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 6:39 PM |
I agree. Put yourself first.
You mentioned you don't like the being verbally aggressive and taking notes aspect because it's based on distrust. Perhaps you first need to accept that as a fact- that even while working in a therapeutic environment there are going to be people you really cannot trust. Could it be not so much what you're doing as your motivations that don't sit right with you? |
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Posts: 2291 |
Gladly (the cross-eyed bear) Posted Mon 01 Oct, 2007 8:08 PM |
I agree with Dubz on this. May i also point out, that no matter how high a person is within their career,There is always someone higher.
Can this person be by passed in anyway? |
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Posts: 882 |
Sanne (nl) Posted Tue 02 Oct, 2007 5:47 AM |
Gladly (the cross-eyed bear) wrote: I agree with Dubz on this. May i also point out, that no matter how high a person is within their career,There is always someone higher.
Can this person be by passed in anyway?
Thanks for all you advices! Eventhough some of them might not be new, it is still good to see them in writing. |
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