Posts: 7404 |
Turtleneck Posted Fri 12 Oct, 2007 2:49 PM |
Asylum for the Verbally Insane - Author unknown
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing
rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother is not Mop? |
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Posts: 3258 |
mili Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 5:08 PM |
| Thanks, that's excellent! |
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Posts: 2310 |
the boy with a cryptic name Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 5:22 PM |
There was something like that on the wall of our primary school (I've only just remembered!) that ended irately with the spectacular trio of they're, their and there.
If you hadn't posted that I would have forgotten forever, so thanks! |
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Posts: 1790 |
lindsey22295 Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 6:55 PM |
| how cute. it is a crazy language. |
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Posts: 585 |
deepi Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 7:38 PM |
| i read somewhere that the english language is the hardest to learn and never really understood why, but know i do! that was great! |
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Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 7:40 PM |
deepi wrote: i read somewhere that the english language is the hardest to learn and never really understood why, but know i do! that was great!
News of the world ?
Seriously, french is harder |
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Posts: 585 |
deepi Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 7:42 PM |
AbsolutPurple wrote: deepi wrote: i read somewhere that the english language is the hardest to learn and never really understood why, but know i do! that was great!
News of the world ?
Seriously, french is harder
hey credit me with some intelligence! i wouldn't read that trash =D
last time i learnt french was back in school and it seemed ok, but i'll take your word for it |
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Posts: 8468 |
AbsolutPurple Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 7:55 PM |
deepi wrote: AbsolutPurple wrote: deepi wrote: i read somewhere that the english language is the hardest to learn and never really understood why, but know i do! that was great!
News of the world ?
Seriously, french is harder
hey credit me with some intelligence! i wouldn't read that trash =D
last time i learnt french was back in school and it seemed ok, but i'll take your word for it
My point was that someone stating english is the hardest language to grasp is an eejit. |
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Posts: 3778 |
megg_inc Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 7:55 PM |
AbsolutPurple wrote: deepi wrote: i read somewhere that the english language is the hardest to learn and never really understood why, but know i do! that was great!
News of the world ?
Seriously, french is harder
I second that. |
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Posts: 2782 |
Hanne Posted Sun 14 Oct, 2007 8:04 PM |
| That's brilliant! At work, we have a similar one in Danish hanging on our pinboard... Gonna bring this and put it up as well since I have colleagues who are language nerds as well :oD |
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Posts: 259 |
la femme qui Posted Mon 15 Oct, 2007 6:06 AM |
| Ahhh thank you so much for posting this! I chose this poem for a recitation competition in the 5th grade, thought I'd never see it again! Thank you :) |
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Posts: 5323 |
goosey_84 Posted Mon 15 Oct, 2007 6:07 AM |
| i think pauletta should read this... |
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